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Standing up for the Rights of the Tall

Written By: Jim Swanson  |  Posted: Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

It's about time the government of this country got its priorities in order. Granted, many special interest groups have obnoxiously voiced their grievances and those with the loudest voices have been heard. But where are those voicing the grievances of the exceptionally tall?
As president of the Society for the Presentation Of Noteworthy Grievances of those with Exceptional Stature (SPONGES), I would like to alert the public to some sobering facts, facts little known and often overlooked by those who are vertically challenged:
Tall people only fit into big cars and big cars cost more to operate. Tall people often need larger clothes that are not available in local stores. We must travel to big cities or purchase these clothes sight unseen through specialty catalogs.
Tall people hit their heads on doorways that are legally no taller than a mere 80 inches. Tall people do not fit into regular class airline seats.
Tall people are often the target of stares and the brunt of stale quips ("How's the weather up there?", "You're head and shoulders above the rest, " "You're one outstanding person, " You're someone we really have to look up to, ") and this with no legal protection.
Such disturbing facts lead to probing questions, questions that demand answers: Where is the stimulus money in the form of compensation for the physical assault the unusually tall must endure at doorways? Cannot the government require that hanging light fixtures be mounted as high as doorways or mounted only over tables? Where are the funds for foot warmers when SPONGES members must sleep on short motel beds?
Are there not allowances to cover travel costs in search of extra tall clothing, and funds to supplement the extra cost of unusually large sizes? Should not our height entitle us to more leg room on planes, or first-class travel at couch prices? Is it not our right to get compact car registration costs for SUVs and fuel rebates for the extra expense of gas? What about government funded legal protection when we have heard a tall joke once too often?
The facts are painfully clear. The time has come for the needs of the tall to be heard. The time has come for the SPONGES to get what they deserve!

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